when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? i wanted to be a doctor and a major, like my father, and would proclaim it loudly to the world. i really had no idea what it meant to be a doctor or a major in the armed forces, but it sure did sound cool. every boy loves guns and battle, so the major part sounded cool (especially since i was a huge G.I. Joe fan); and the doctor bit just sounded very important. on the flip side, i wanted to be a truck driver (just thought i’d mention that). it’s funny to think about wild childhood dreams, and how much they change as years pass, interests change, and reality hits. as i got older, my interests completely changed. i retained my interest in guns and battle, but didn’t want to join the military to enjoy them. i no longer wanted to be a doctor, as blood just seemed too bloody, and way too sloppy. by the time high school hit, i was clueless as to what i wanted to be. i entered college with the vague idea of marketing and advertising (which would still be cool), but ended up with history degree (which led me to a job in telecommunications). i love thinking about the freedom of the child’s mind; children aspire to be whatever they want. they are completely unaware of the hurdles that will inevitably cross their paths, and the challenges that they will ultimately face. it’s so easy for a kid to want to be something, and that’s great. but it’s harder for those dreams to translate well for the adult mind. we allow so many things to get in the way of who we want to be, and where we really need to be. we allow so many elements to serve as excuses for why we’re not leading the lives that we’re meant to lead. reality is just that; it’s real. but it’s really what we make it. think back to your childhood. what did you want to be? is that dream attainable? or did “real life” get in the way of where you want to be?

i’ve been on a very nostalgic kick lately; for the past 4 or 5 years, actually. i’m semi-obsessed with recapturing and re-thinking elements of my past; people, places, things. nothing is exempt. i think of old friends, old family, old coworkers, old vacations, old outings, old toys, old electronics, old music, old everything. for some reason, i became keenly aware of the fleeting aspects of time when i hit the age of 18, and i was and still am truly dumbfounded by the pace of it. the years between 18 and now (i just turned 30 on Feb. 20th) have been almost unbelievably fast. i mean, inexplicably lightning fast. turning 30 was not as catastrophic as i had envisioned though; it arrived rather smoothly and expectedly. i don’t think my nostalgic quest has anything to do with my being 30, but my getting older has everything to with it. each year seems to bring me farther away from those smiles, laughs, and ‘good old times’, but i think that solidifies the greatness of them. the fact that they’ve lived in my thoughts for so long really makes them special, and reinforces the fondness and respect that i have for them. i just need to remember the importance of living in the present; creating new memories to complement the old ones, and setting the pace for the multitude of future ‘good ol’ times’.

I’m a huge fan of film. When I was a kid, my older brothers and I would literally watch the same movies every single day after school. For the hidden singer in us, we had classics like “Grease” and “Westside Story”; for the action hero side of our imagination, we watched “Excalibur”, and “Total Recall”. We didn’t merely watch these films; we became them. I can recall many serious discussions/light hearted arguments involving which characters we wanted to be in the movies that we saw (we each wanted to be the coolest character, of course). We didn’t just watch Bruce Lee demolish Chuck Norris in the Colosseum; we were Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris duking it out kung-fu style that day. We didn’t just watch the suave Ludlow brothers of “Legends of the Fall”; we were the brothers (and of course, I was the coolest). So much of our childhood developed around the TV that we can, to this day, readily quote lines from films that clinically intertwine with our day to day conversations.

Movies and television became our way of self expression. Our lives unfolded watching “A Different World”, “Yo MTv Raps”, and “The Cosby Show”. Our lives were lived through these larger than life characters, doing larger than life activities. Sure, we created our own characters, and re-enacted our own daring adventures, but the television was the catalyst that thrust us into that imaginative void; that realm where dreams become reality, and thoughts and deeds transcend what’s perceived to be real. We were not couch potatoes, I might add; our heroic deeds spilled into the backyard, where we became mighty sporting heroes and dauntless explorers. In short, movies and TV helped to mold and shape me into the man I am today. My artistic endeavors can all somehow be traced back to those days, huddled in front of the TV, dreaming about the tales and characters that were being projected into my psyche (and of course, I was the coolest one).