an observation

the path of life is often like a four lane highway; paved, open, crowded, and able to get you to your destination quickly. sometimes though the old, time worn country road takes longer, but gives a whole lot more in return.

Comfort

What is comfort? Comfort and complacency seemingly go hand in hand; effort tends to subside once one is obtained. The resulting residue is a thin, memory rich layer that allows the affected individual to forget the drive that delivered them to comfort in the first place. The ideal mix of the two elements is the catalyst for restoration.

nostalgia

i’ve been on a very nostalgic kick lately; for the past 4 or 5 years, actually. i’m semi-obsessed with recapturing and re-thinking elements of my past; people, places, things. nothing is exempt. i think of old friends, old family, old coworkers, old vacations, old outings, old toys, old electronics, old music, old everything. for some reason, i became keenly aware of the fleeting aspects of time when i hit the age of 18, and i was and still am truly dumbfounded by the pace of it. the years between 18 and now (i just turned 30 on Feb. 20th) have been almost unbelievably fast. i mean, inexplicably lightning fast. turning 30 was not as catastrophic as i had envisioned though; it arrived rather smoothly and expectedly. i don’t think my nostalgic quest has anything to do with my being 30, but my getting older has everything to with it. each year seems to bring me farther away from those smiles, laughs, and ‘good old times’, but i think that solidifies the greatness of them. the fact that they’ve lived in my thoughts for so long really makes them special, and reinforces the fondness and respect that i have for them. i just need to remember the importance of living in the present; creating new memories to complement the old ones, and setting the pace for the multitude of future ‘good ol’ times’.

dreams

is it wrong to have dreams that are ‘larger than life’? is it better to live a ‘realistically’ grounded existence, free of expansive thought and spontaneity? i would rather live in dreams than accept the structure of a false reality. i would rather believe that anything is possible; that all things can be conceived and created. to live in a world of color, imagination, and growth, rather than the drab, cubicle-esque air of incorrectly labeled reality. what is reality, anyway? we create our own reality. we create our current mindset. we alone can create our sphere and cultivate the thoughts and mindsets that spill forth. it’s true that we’re heavily influenced by the ideologies set in motion by television, magazines, and general society; it’s easy to fall into this pre-existing, plastic world. it’s easy to fall prey to the notion that we ‘should’ do this, or ‘should’ do that. we’re all raised with a slew of these do’s and don’ts. it’s up to us to separate our needs and dreams from the pile of pre-determined mediocrity, and create a sturdy bridge over it for which to cross.

1-24-09

my hand is operable
once again-
my brain is sending signals
that my hand is working
to interpret-
my heart is transmitting
data that my soul is
eager to process-
for months-
i’ve searched-
like a quest knight for
the holy grail-
and for months,
my search came up
empty-
what happened to
the flow of information?
the quest knights eventually
discovered the grail-
after many years, and
much toil and
struggle-
they discovered the
one thing that would
restore the kingdom to
its former glory-
the priceless artifact was
returned to camelot-
and order was restored
as it touched arthur’s
lips-
i have recovered my grail-
and it was within
me all along-
my grail was something
that i’d forgotten –
a particle of life that
had been swept into
a corner-
a speck of data that sat dormant
in the far reaches of my
thoughts-
i simply forgot to
look for my grail in its
place of origin*

8-8-06

My salvation was there-
a foot away from me-
but separated by
a thousand miles-
my salvation was there
on those quiet roads-
veiled by a dense green-
and topped by a faded
blue-
my salvation was there
in those houses-
old-
and cloudy-
and alive-
with the soul of my
desires-
their windows tipped
with firelights-
and their facades as welcoming
as an old friend-
my salvation was there
in those distant hills-
a verdant dream-
that whispered to me like
an echo-
my salvation was there-
a foot away from me-
and I knew it-
it was in the valleys-
the trees-
it was in the sky-
and the stoic walls-
it was there all along-
and I knew it-
I found it where I’d
never searched-
but where my heart has
always been-
my salvation was there-
and that’s where I
had to leave it*

1-18-09

i can see again-
my eyes are open once
more to myself-
my heart is open once
more to the thoughts
that pervaded so much
of my past-
buried thoughts-
stolen moments-
barricaded under the
safety of silence-
stolen by the actions of
fear and doubt-
within this chest lies
a spirit unbroken-
a steed burning with
the desire to run
at full pace against
the odds set forth
by an unknown
“they”-
a knight ready to
do battle against the
very blacksmith that
forged his iron hide-
i can see again-
a green landscape
made rich by hands
and voices-
a sky made blue by
the softness of a
beaming earth-
a sun made bright from
the reflections of a
billion smiles-
i can see again-
and as a result,
i can feel-
the racing heart of
the eager steed-
the eager mind of
the steady knight-
the tickle of the
grass against my skin-
the whisper of the
wind as i admire the
sky-
i can feel again-
and once more-
i speak-
my heart opens-
my hand moves-
my mind listens-
and my soul understands*